I'm going to jail i love you
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
