i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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