I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
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