when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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