i jhust puked up my retainher.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
it's like iHOP with fire
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
