my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
