He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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