You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
