she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
