Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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