never play flip cup with pint glasses
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
