Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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