i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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