Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
