I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
