Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
