Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
