Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
nutella sex= disaster
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
