I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
