So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
