Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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