So drunk its hurt
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Randomize
