Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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