You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I just pynch a tree in the face
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize