you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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