Define "chronic" masturbator.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
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