Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
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