You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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