I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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