omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
