why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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