She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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