I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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