Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Randomize
