One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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