..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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