That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize