I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
