3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize