just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
