Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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