Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
