Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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