Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Boobs speak an international language.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
