i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
