oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
