I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
