I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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