He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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