But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Randomize
