I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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