I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
