We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
