So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
