Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
