he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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