Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize