Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
