I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
This house was built for laser tag.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
