This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
