when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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