So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
operation have a gay friend backfired
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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