That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize