If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
