she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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