i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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