is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Randomize
