Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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